Shit Show at the Krankenhaus

When we were told that an appointment had been set up for us at the hospital, the only directions we were given were to bring my passport, Kevin's hospital booklet, and my records from the US. The team owner instructed us to go to the hospital and then follow the signs to gynocolgy where we would meet with a Dr. Kofler, who would know what to do with us.

Like good foreigners, we listened. We got there, followed the signs, and then waited in the waiting room, assuming someone would call my name. But then we started hearing them yell out numbers and it occurred to us that everyone had tickets in their hands except for us. Where the hell were they getting these tickets? Then a new lady came in and just walked into one of the rooms. Well, I wasn't too keen on that idea.  Who's to say what I might walk into...a vagina, perhaps, since we are in gynocolgy.

Obviously, we don't speak the language so we couldn't ask anyone and we couldn't read the signs on the door so instead we chose to creep outside of the door like idiots...Kevin first and then I joined him in the creeping. Another new girl came in and asked Kevin a question, which we, of course, had no answer to besides our favorite one word answer...."English." And wouldn't you know it, she did know English and just wanted to know if there was anyone in there, which we answered "I don't know" to. So, she gave it a knock and then was instructed to come in.

Once she left, Kevin and I decided to follow suit. I knocked, the lady said something, and we walked in. Before she even started talking, I asked, "sprechen English (speak English)" and she just shook her head. This was going to be good. We talked English with some German throw in; she spoke German with some English thrown in. But after a few minutes, Kevin just pointed to my name on the list and that solved everything. We finally got our number after waiting in the waiting room for 20 minutes and trying to talk to this lady for 5.  

We went back to the waiting room where we waiting for "ein und achtzing" to be called. And then we heard "eighty-one." Dammit lady...my German sucks, but I do know my numbers and I was really looking forward to showing you my skills.  Whatever! So, we got into the office and there were three ladies just staring at us. They informed us that "they didn't speak very good English," which was a lie since they could put that sentence together perfectly. One lady introduced herself as Dr. Kofler, which I assumed meant she knew why we were there. Oh no, she didn't have a clue who we were or why we were there. I explained our situation...I'm pregnant, my husband works here, the baby will be born here, I need an OB/GYN, and here are my records. 

I think that cleared things up because then one of the nurses started my paperwork, while the other told me to get on the scale. Typically, I like to take off my shoes and any extra clothing, but there was no time for that so I hopped on the scale and almost shit my pants when I saw the number. I've decided to subract 2 lbs (maybe 3 lbs) from my weight since I had on boots, a sweater, and a scarf, which I would have usually shed before hitting the scale. Then Dr. Kofler left the room and came back with a man who asked me some questions, filled out my "Mutterpass," and informed me that I needed a sonogram (because I had left all of mine in the States).

My Mutterpass is where all my records about the baby go. 

The songram room was a packed house...two doctors, two nurses, Kevin, and me. They left the door wide open and I could hear people passing by. I wouldn't be surprised if someone caught a glimpse of my vagina considering the one nurse practically pulled my pants all the way down for the sonogram.  Whoa lady, that is not how this things operate in the States!

Anyways, we were excited to get a songoram because Kevin hadn't seen the baby since all of my appointments were done in the States while he was already here in Italy. The doctor showed us the important parts...arms, legs, heart, head, but not the baby's privates. And he did the measurements. He rattled off some stuff in German to the other doctor and then we were done.

We made our way back to the desk where they told us everything looked great and we made our next appointment. I was also instructed that I need to get more blood work, which I couldn't do that day because the lab closes at noon everyday (seriously, people don't work here in Italy). But before we were finished and the male doctor left, Kevin asked for his name since he had never introduced himself.  Dr. Schatzer is my new OB/GYN.  He speaks great English and is super nice, but Kevin says he looks like he brushes his hair with a pork chop (it really is that bad)...but overall we are pleased. 

All-in-all, we got what we came to get accomplished done and we even got a little more. Now I just need to go get my blood work this week (luckily, I know the blood lady). I'm also making a mental note to get a number next time and wear less clothing.